I thought I'd give my readers some useful tips everyone can use in daily life.
For clumsy people :
-If you're a bit clumsy, you can avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
For people with kids :
-Make bath times as much fun for kiddies as a visit to the seaside by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and a dog turd into the bath.
Money saving tips :
-Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
-Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.
-A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
-An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
-Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
For lazy people :
-A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Be Happy :
-Every morning smile to your mirror, but why stop there? Smile to your kitchen table, to your living room sofa and to your iron board. Beware, don't smile to your dishwasher it may take it as provocation.
Don't overdo it and be carefull :
-Clothes don't make the man, but being naked will get you arrested.
-Don't put all your eggs in one basket, put all of then in the fridge they will last longer.
-Time is money. Stop reading stupid articles!